I’m unsettled tonight. It’s almost 9pm, I probably should go to bed since I am getting up early in the morning to go meet family for breakfast, but I need to do something. I just don’t know what that something is. So I thought I’d write.
I had a job interview today. It was for a part-time position. I can’t complain, I think I’ll like the job, and it will get my foot in the door if a full-time position opens up that I’m interested in. I think the interview went well. I was a little nervous, since I have been out of work for a little better than a year. And I’ve never liked job interviews. I’m too modest, I don’t like to sell myself. I always feel like I’m giving stock answers, when I’m not. And I hate feeling like I have to go in all pressed and proper, a little over the top for what I am. I’d say I’m classy, and I can dress professional, but I always feel stuffy, like I have to wear, or can only find, the professional clothes that aren’t me. I really should update my wardrobe with some more dressy pants. Besides the point, I think the interview went well, and I am really hopeful. The women I met, who would be my supervisors and trainers were all really nice, and I think would be amazing to work for. If I don’t get it, then I can keep trying, not the end of the world. But I hope I do.
So, that was the excitement of my day…that, and getting my husband’s car an oil change. I sat and waited, and talked to a couple of really nice people – the woman works helping disabled Vets, or maybe it’s just the disabled, but the man was a disabled Vet (actually disabled because of a work accident AFTER he had served in the US Marines) and he was a character. I had brought with me a Sudoku book to help pass the time, and as quickly as I got it out, it was closed because these people were so much fun to talk with.
But I feel erratic. I would work on my photographs, but I don’t have the patience for that tonight. I really want to get back out and take some photos, and get through more that I have and post them. I also really want a DSLR camera, and a tripod. Right now I shoot with a point-and-shoot Nikon, which takes great photos, but it’s not as versatile as I would like for everything I want to do. I might pull out my disc and do some more with my Sims, since I haven’t played that in a long while. I’m so indifferent tonight.
I received another call from my husband this morning, which makes for a total of four phone calls in the past 2 weeks. I was SO worried that he’d get the chance to call me while I was at my interview, but luckily he called before I left. Phew! Since I don’t get to hear from him as often as I’d like, I’d hate to have to miss a call. But I know, once I find work, there’s the chance that I will miss some calls from him.
He is doing well, got switched around jobs and shifts a couple of times since he got there, but is back on a job he knows, on a not so bad shift working 12 hour days.
I just really wish he were home. I miss interacting with him…talking, doing nothing, watching TV, laughing, falling asleep next to him, waking up next to him, going for a drive, cooking for him even, making his tea… Everything that had become habit, normal, and our routine, is gone. And I know, and I hope, it’s only temporary…but it still sucks sometimes. I’ll admit I miss the flirting and the attention from him, but I know it’s from him that I miss, and no one could replace the connection that we have. It’s not another male’s attention that I seek, it’s my husband’s. And I think that’s why some military wives cheat, because they miss the interaction they’d have with their husband’s, who are now gone for a year, and think they can find it in someone else. I think, if you don’t really love your spouse, sure, you might find what you’re looking for with someone else. And if you separate the sex from the love, sure, you can get sex. But, for those of us who love our spouses, who think that sex and love are synonymous (if not all of the time, some of the time), are less likely to cheat at all, because we already know what we want is from our spouses, to be with our spouses, and sure, we could find sex with someone else, but it’s not the same, it’s not what we need. So, we patiently – or impatiently – wait for our spouses’ return.
I feel like I’ve gone off on so many tangents tonight. And between writing this, and sending two emails, I think I’m ready to climb into bed, write my husband another letter, and go to sleep.
Sleep well, my readers and fellow military wives and spouses. I wish you and your families safe. And if your spouse or significant other is deployed right now, too, I wish them a safe deployment and return home. May you be able to feel yourself in their arms again.