Lately, I’ve been able to tell my dreams from reality…since they’ve been so unreal, I knew I was dreaming. But last night, I had a dream that I could have sworn wasn’t just a dream…when I was dreaming it.
I was with my husband, and our parents, like we had been before deployment trying to pack up our apartment, and get my husband ready to deploy. Except we were packing up to move home, because somehow he didn’t have to deploy. I remember being at the hotel, and asking him about this. Then I remembered that I had just heard from him, and he was in Afghanistan, and if all this were real, how could he have been with me then, where we were before deployment, and why if he didn’t have to deploy, he was able to come home for a year. I remember being confused, in my dream, because my dream, as much as I wanted it to be real, was conflicting with the evidence I thought I had.
But how it would have been nice, to have my husband with me for the year, and not in Afghanistan…or anywhere else where we can’t be together for so long. And while it was nice to be able to “see” my husband in my dream, I was very upset at myself for playing a cruel trick on me like that.
And can you believe I still haven’t broken down, and actually had a decent sob-fest? I cried a little once since being home, but that’s been it. I still believe it’s because I’m in the mindset that I need to be strong for everyone else, so I’m not allowing myself to mope around, and allow myself to BE sad. But I do miss my husband, and I wish him and everyone over there the best, and for their safe returns to their families. And I have a sneaky suspicion, that I’m not going to allow myself to cry until he’s back, and it’ll all be over and I’ll know he’s ok, and I can finally exhale. Oooooh, I am going to be such a mess at homecoming…