It’s a cold, wet, rainy day here today. And for the next couple days they are expecting. When it’s dreary outside, I’ve seen that it’s not difficult for people to become miserable, or depressed.
Not me. And I’m not just saying that because sometimes I enjoy the rain. Trust me, back in my home state, when a couple of summers ago we had maybe 7 days of sun all summer long, I began to hate the rain, too. But I make it routine, every day, to be happy about something. Sure, I have bad days, and days where I’m just mad at the world and nothing can make me smile. But most days, I try to find something to make me happy.
And today, I’m happy that it’s rain, and not snow, sleet, or freezing rain. We had snow here last year by late October, so it wouldn’t surprise me. But that it’s still warm enough outside for the precipitation to remain in a liquid state and not a solid, is enough for I think everyone here to be happy about. Because, really, in October, who WANT’S to get out the rock salt and snow shovels?
But it got me thinking, too. For those of us gearing up for deployments, and those of us with spouses already deployed, I know it’s not easy to be happy, to find one thing to be happy about, and all we want to do is mope around, be miserable, and bring everyone down with us. But what good does that make our last few days or weeks with our spouses and families all-together? What will you have to look back on when your last days are spent miserably together? Sure, my husband and I have our rough days, and days we take our frustrations out on each other – it’s to be expected when neither of you wants to be apart for so long, and he isn’t exactly looking forward to where he’s going. But if the majority of your days are spent this way, you’ll have little to hold on to except resentment, regret, and anger while he’s gone.
Maybe that’s why some spouses cheat? I realize I’m going off on a tangent here, but the thought arose. I think happy spouses, spouses who are in love with each other and happy together, are less likely if not, not likely at all to cheat on the other during deployment, or ever in their relationship. And this goes for civilian couples, too. If you are 200% happy with your significant other, would you cheat on them? Hurt them? Which leads to my theory – if your last moments with your spouse (days, weeks, hours) are spent resenting each other, there’s a void in you that goes unfulfilled. And that void is intimacy, attraction, and desire. If you feel undesired, you’re going to go seeking to feel like someone wants you, and ultimately, that’s sexual attraction. It may not be true for everyone, sometimes morals and ethics override these feelings, but I think it’s a true statement for most. Something to think about…happy couples, truly happy, those who don’t have to convince themselves they are happy together, are less likely to cheat on each other.
Oddly enough, I just took a gander at my Facebook home wall, and one of my fan pages (Our Love is Deployment Strong ♥) had posted this quote as their status: “Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities. Always see them, for they’re always there. -Norman Vincent Peal”
Which really succinctly states what I am ultimately trying to say in this post.
It’s all too easy, especially in times of trial, to focus on and see everything as negative. I think the strong can see the positive, see the good, and overcome misery. It takes time, and it may take practice if you’re so used to complaining about everything and not praising anything. But try it out. Guarantee you’ll feel better, mentally and physically. And especially, don’t make deployment any harder than it already is for your soldier, et al. I know what goes through my mind, but I can’t even imagine what goes through my husband’s mind. I know he worries about me, but I don’t want to give him any more reason to worry than he already does and will. Despite my bad days, I need him to know that I am going to be OK, that I can make it through this, and that no matter what, I always love him. So, around my mood swings, my every action is to reinforce this message to him. Make sure you are reinforcing your husband or wife with the same messages. While they are deployed, they don’t need the distraction that you are breaking down constantly, that maybe you are cheating on them, and so on. They need to focus on what they are doing, where they are, and know in the back of their minds that you are OK, you are there for them, and will be there when deployment is over.
I think if you cannot do this, then you are either not meant for each other, or not meant to be a military spouse. We make sacrifices, and you have to be willing to make those sacrifices. You cannot be selfish all of the time, because you are not supporting your spouse. And to me, this makes for a bad soldier, et al. They need the support at home, if they are going to be married.
So, try to be a little more optimistic. Find an outlet for your stress other than your husband/wife all of the time. I understand there are issues that need to be addressed directly to your spouse, but not everything is appropriate discussion, especially before deployment. Find a support system, and keep yourself busy. And find something to look forward to.