I Don’t Want Unsolicited Help…It’s Nothing Personal

My mom tells me that ever since I was 2 years old, I wanted to do things on my own.  I didn’t want help getting dressed.  I wanted to make my own chocolate milk.  And no one was going to tell me otherwise.

It’s not personal, I’ve just always wanted to do everything on my own.

I never cared for group projects in school, even when I could be in a group with all of my friends as opposed to teacher-selected groups.  I’ve just always wanted it to be just me.

Which I guess turned out to be a good thing, seeing as I’m an only child.

But I just don’t like help, I don’t like things being done for me if it’s something I can physically do on my own.  And lord help you if you ever try to baby me.  That’s just plain condescending.

You may be asking, “But Kristel, what does this have to do with military life?”  Well, let me tell you who I tie this in:

Our upcoming deployment, not only with the stress of deploying, but everything we have to do prior to, is creating a lot of unsolicited help.  And it’s all with the best of intentions from our family, but to me, unsolicited is unsolicited.  So please, do not take it personally when I do not want help with anything.  This is how I see things:

My husband and I are adults, nay, CAPABLE adults.  I know there is something about me that I have yet to determine what it is that makes people think I’m not capable of doing things, even though I prove time and time again that I am amazing, and can do about anything when I need to, and when I put my mind to it.  And my husband is more than capable at doing about anything, too.  So, while I know that it MAY help ease stress if we have help with things, too many people involved stresses me out, because I like to micromanage everything.  So, when I see people offering to help or do things for us, to me this reflects that we are seen as being incapable of doing things, and it’s very condescending to me if I am otherwise capable of doing things myself.

My exclusions are: if I am sick, not feeling well, or post-surgery and unable to do much for myself, then help is appreciated.  If I cannot reach something on the top shelf, because I am after all only 5’2.5″, then help is appreciated.  And if it’s apparent that I just cannot manage something on my own, help is appreciated.  But if I am fully capable of doing something, anything at all, let me try it on my own first, or let me ask for help.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the people in my life, or the help when it’s offered, this is just how things translate to me.  I am an adult now, I should be seen and treated as such.


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