How bad is it that I was reminded by Facebook that my one year anniversary of being married to my husband is this Sunday?
I didn’t forget the day we were married, I know it’s August 1. But I forgot WHEN August 1st was rolling around. Time seems to be going by so quickly in retrospect – wasn’t it JUST the fourth of July weekend? – even though almost every day is enjoyable, and seems to last an appropriate amount of time. I don’t really remember the dates of every day anymore, so I’m always surprised at what day it actually is.
I think this method is going to bite me in the ass come deployment, but maybe it’s better for right now, that I don’t know what day today is, that I’m not acutely aware of just how much time I have left with my husband before he deploys.
With so much that just sprang up over the last couple of weeks with things to do, things to take care of, and so on, in preparation for deployment and just the everyday Army stuff, we haven’t really planned anything for our Anniversary. Truth be told, if I had it my way, I wouldn’t want to spend it here, anyways. I’d rather go someplace we both enjoy – which we are doing, just later. But as for the ACTUAL day…nothing. As long as I’m spending it with my husband, it’s a good day.
But holy crap, one year. 365 days. Considering we’ll be “together” four years this year, one year is only a quarter of our relationship, but married. When you’re with someone, but not married to them, no legal contract as it essentially is, you can be just as committed, just as in love, but there’s just something more to a marriage. When you’re married, it’s a way of announcing your love and commitment to someone, that you chose this person for life. And it absolutely perplexes me when I see couples, who may have been happy at one point or another in their lives together, but have grown apart, and just make each other so miserable. Why put yourselves through a lifetime of misery if you’re happy without each other? Do they think so little of themselves that they DON’T deserve every amount of happiness they can obtain? You shouldn’t have to suffer through marriage. I think it should be one of the things (the next being having kids), that makes life worth living. That gives you purpose. Does a lifetime of misery really outweigh the temporary hassle of filing divorce and readjusting to life after marriage? Trust me, it doesn’t. You’re only restricting yourself from the opportunity to find the person who better compliments you, your life, your love.
It seems like everywhere I’ve lived since I moved out of my parents house, there’s always been that one couple that lives nearby (within hearing range) who argues more frequently than they get along, and has had the cops either called on them, or one spouse reporting the other, at least once. Why? Why do that to yourself? I’ll admit everyone experiences Love differently, but unrequited, unconditional love is not love-hate; love-hate isn’t real love at all.
As I look back on our first year of marriage (almost, we still have a few more days until it’s officially a year), it’s been amazing. I love my husband more than I ever thought I could possibly love another person – even more than I love myself (which, sometimes, is a lot!). And I’m only looking forward to many more years together. Even though pretty much our entire second year of marriage will be spent apart, almost guaranteeing what we have of our third year, at least, will be spent getting to know each other again, and relearn each other’s quirks. It’s really sad to be without your spouse for a full year, or longer, depending on how long deployment is. Sure, I’ll get to see him briefly for R&R, but I can’t expect that to be the same, or even enough. But, I guess so goes the military way of life – be happy with what the Army gives you.
I suppose the Army has made our first year of marriage that much more turbulent, but I believe the strongest couples can survive the military. I don’t say this to undermine civilian marriages, as I am insanely jealous of the struggles and hardships that you will never have to face, and civilian marriages, all marriages, aren’t without their own hardships. But there’s a difference in what you have to endure. I would not recommend this lifestyle for everybody, and I can only hope for myself that I’ll come out of deployment with still some grasp on my sanity.
I believe true love can survive anything; it doesn’t happen like in the movies, you write your own script and a lot gets ab libbed. The two of you will know when you’ve found something special, and everyone else will be able to see it, too. Life isn’t worth living with someone you’re miserable with more than half the time…even half the time. If you can’t list at least 10 things you love about the person you’re with, look forward to time spent away as opposed to with, or have more bad days together than good in any given week, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship, and either salvage it if possible, or count your losses, and seek something better for yourself.